To create additional first-week-of-school drama, Alice and Jess practice bitchery by signing Sara up to run for school president. Mike dreams about the unborn sibling and imagines that it's Alice/would be Alice/is like Alice. One would think that Mike would have more respect for women because he loves his mom like I love scandalous gossip, soooo - OMG - did you hear about Mike's mom? She got knocked up two years ago and had an abortion, even though Mike begged her not to. 'Michael chuckled at the crude manner in which Bubba referred to Jessica.' What immature bastards! Even though the reference wasn't even that bad. God, what gives with the girls at this school? Bubba. On *my* not list: Michael's BFF Bubba, a 5'4' tubba who is irresistible to girls. Also on the hot list: Russ Desmond, track star and The Rock, football douchewad. The big names at Tabb are Clair Hilrey, head cheerleader and her boytoy Bill Skater, who is always, always, always called Bill Skater.

Is that, like, bad enough to kill yourself over? Unfortch, Mike and Jess end up sharing a locker and meet before Alice's dream introduction. Her secret fantasy is to set up Michael and Jessica. 'When thin, Polly was a doll.' When fat, she's a fucking obscene monster, I guess.Īlice already has a friend at her new school, Michael Olson. They're not, like, totally annoying or anything either. 'She believed, like most teenage girls who don't date much, that there was something wrong with her, something missing.' Yeah, Jess. Jessica, 16, and brunette, is apparently eJess is a little low self- esteemy and it grates. She doesn't even perspire, because her blonde curls reflect the sun away. Right off the bat we learn that Alice, age 14, is perfect. Friends and former Mesa students Jessica, Sara, and Alice plan to have a party at Alice's place to mix the two schools' students together. Mesa High has gone out of business, so Tabb High will educate Mesa's students from now on.

Before we talk about ANYTHING else: check out that red mullet in the lower right corner.

Christopher pike the party